Past experiences are no guarantee for future events.
I feel like I am sitting seperated from my intuition. I am afraid of loosing my hypercharged sense of introspection through which I am so used to witness the world. Loosing the voice in my head that is most closesly related to what I recognize as ‘myself’. I am standing in a control room where all the buttons are just painted onto the table. Useless. The person seemingly in charge would natrually be afraid of loosing their power. Especially if it is just an illusion of power.
After listening to a questionably healthy amount of GOT Abridged because music did not seem to properly entertain my ears, I am getting back into form.
As another testament to my A Song Of Ice and Fire obsession
“The king has taken for his sigil the fiery
heart of the Lord of Light.” Renly seemed amused by that. “All for the good. If we both use the same banner, the battle will be terribly confused.”
Catelyn said, “Let us hope there will be no battle. We three share a common foe who would destroy us all.”
Stannis studied her, unsmiling. “The Iron Throne is mine by rights. All those who deny that are my foes.”
After trying to bring justice to whoever tried to kill her second son, Catelyn Stark falesly accuses and abducts Tyrion Lannister. Starting what is known as the war of the five kings. She tries to advocate for peace to unite Renly and Stannis, brothers to the recently deceased king to form an alliance against their common enemy. In her mind she is talking about the Lannisters who killed her husband after he found out the incestous truth of the princes parentage. She might as well be speaking about the others. The mystical threat that looms in the far north just waiting to sweep over the continent of Westeros. The magical apocalypse is coming and the winds of winter are rising. All that reasoning fails her durig the meeting with the self-proclaimed kings Stannis and Renly Baratheon. She left her dying father to make this futile plea for peace. Now she is left with no other option than to watch the imminent battle, forced to look at her failure and feel the pile of corpses grow larger that lays on her conscience. She came as a king’s envoy and feels defeated by the indifference she was met with.
“It is past time I went back to Riverrun to close my father’s eyes, she thought. That much at least I can do. I may be a poor envoy, but I am a good mourner, gods save me.”
GRRM manages to emphasize his characters’ emotional state in an emotive and empathetic way. Even more so in context with the characters age. The very young Arya Stark wondering if her parents would still love her, knowing what she had done to survive. 79 year-old Maester Cressen, the point of view character of the 2nd book’s prologue, trying to do what he thinks is right to protect Stannis and Renly who he both helped to raise. Trying to protect what he recognizes as his legacy, he dies in vain only further cementing the red priestesses position of power.
- Living for tomorrow, waiting for it to finally happen. Today just needs to pass as quickly as possible. Once tomorrow has arrived there is a new one to look forward to, a new one that could be better than today, a(nother) fictional goal seemingly worth grasping for – perpetuating a state of inaction or one of preparative actions
- Potato chip packages that always fall in direction of Mecca
- The difference in volume between my headphones feels like a pulsating void trying to swallow my thoughts
- Gen 2 human that have upgraded their concsiousness into having a crisis of faith
- Feel like being made out of glass
Experiencing my consciousness could be considered the type of torture even the greek gods would be proud of. The ultimately defeating fact that I am somewhat okay with not being better. Not partaking in most things that could be considered part of the human experience.
Sure the sun will rise.
Great writeup! Especially enjoyed the deep dive into GOT which, if if dare say, might convince to continue reading the series.
And “Hineni Hineni!” Sweet release after non-stop edging for 4 months since your last post was being written by the tadpole in your head, forcing your flesh suit to agonizingly type letters into this mechanical masterpiece of engineering. Praise be upon humankind!
It fills me with joy witnessing your further descent into madness, while being interrupted by small and kind reminders that the world, dreadful as it may be, can offer some funny thinksies. I am on board with the Muslim bread 🤙🏻
I hope this letter reaches you well in times of dire need and can satisfy you until my next care package of feet pics reaches you.
Best of wishes, eternal luck and infinite love to you! I really appreciate your existence and the possibility to call you one of my best friends.
Best regards,
KxD
GOT deepdive has been fueld by listening to roughly 65k minutes of Game of Thrones Abridged. A sacrifice for sure but one that surely has been worth the while.
Bei Existenzschwierigkeiten und der Realisierung der Absurdität der eigenen Existenz folgende Buchempfehlungen beachten: Jean-Paul Satre/Albert Camus „Der Ekel“ oder auch „Der Fremde“ und wie immer der absolute Boss Dostojevski „Aufzeichnungen aus dem Kellerloch“. Alle Bücher können in meinem Zimmer abgeholt und wieder zurück gegeben werden. Meinen Empfindungen nach ähnelt deine Art dieses Blogs zu führen Dostos Buch und Narrativ sehr, sonst höre ich zwischen den Zeilen Gregor Samsa (Kafka, Die Verwandlung) sprechen. Ich glaube, dass ein Abtauchen in die Philosophie des Existentialismus und dessen Literatur dir einen Zugang zu deinen, wie auch meinen, Existenzängsten, Einsamkeit und Resignation bezüglich der Macht über sich selbst ermöglichen würde. Schnupper vielleicht mal rein!?
Ps. Ich entschuldige mich für alle Rechtschreibfehler, schreibe in meinem Seminar während einer Präsentation zu Maria von Burgund (ziemlich coole Frau, Margaery Tyrell Vibes)