Listening to music has been one very accessable way to further express and experience my emotions. Since I stopped being traditionally productive no music has been able to resonate with me. At least not as strongly as it used to. I still like listening to music. I still find new music I enjoy. I still feel the music, but the spark seems to be lost for now. For now the role of music has been reduced to background noise. It has always been background noise. Background noise with a purpose. No way appears clear and yet I am somewhat aware of the way I need to go. I denied myself the status of a human for so long anything else feels like pretending. It worked well enough for long enough. Why shouldn’t it work now. The fact that I can clearly see the hurdle makes me feel ashamed of myself. I can see it. I can feel it. It is too high to jump over. My mind is foggy and i feel robbed of any option to escape.
Recent combination of letters:
- The inexplicable need to be able to fall asleep laying down with my legs crossed
- Rotting on my desk in solidarity with orange peel and apple cores
- Wotan
- Cookies perfumed with the idea of cherry blossom
- Tissues are folded in a way where every combination of unfolding provides a reasonable amount of absorbancy for most scenarios aswell as a form that seems to magically fit most situations
-Pumpkin Potion Cat Snake-
The broken remnants of what has once been became the centerpiece on the altar of my mind
With a decrease in wellbeing and lacking regulatory abilities the ability of this brain to understand things to a certain degree appears to be lost. Whether through fault of oneself by failure to adapt or through a lack of an adapted environment.